Music Saved Me

By: Riley Esquejo

We all have a point in our lives where we experience several events that change us forever. Those events could be marriage, having kids, losing a loved one, or something as simple as receiving your first pet. For me, it was a feeling.

I was so young, but I felt so empty and alone. I wanted to end my own life before I even knew what the word “suicide” meant. I was jealous of everybody around me because they seemed happy and care-free. In reality, I didn’t know how true my judgment was, but then again, I was so young. That feeling of emptiness and loneliness changed my entire life. I didn’t know what I was going through back then, but I just knew that I wasn’t happy.

Words will always hurt you regardless of your age, and when you’re a child, it’s like starting to put pieces of your life together but having it drastically demolished by several comments that probably wouldn’t faze you if you were older. What people don’t realize is that those comments mattered in the moment, and those comments were what mattered the most.

When I started choir in middle school, I found my passion for music. I was still getting bullied, but I was also learning how to stand up for myself. Eventually, the bullying felt like nothing, even though that same bullying ruined me years before. I was moving on.

My then-called “friends” said harsh things behind my back because I didn’t want to go to my zoned school the following year. I wanted to continue making music in a place where people were accepting and just as dedicated as I was. Now, I attend an arts high school majoring in vocal performance with an emphasis in choir. I wish I could tell you the exact number of people I’ve left behind—just know that I’ve never been happier.

The moral of the story is to not give up on yourself even when you think that all the odds are pitted against you. Find your outlet and stick to it, because I promise you that one day it’ll start getting better. It won’t be quick, but it will happen. I swear that everything will fall into place—as long as you trust yourself and make decisions based on your thoughts and beliefs.